Beginning to heal
by Jenn11
Summary: Mutant X attends Leo's funeral. Afterwards Jesse comforts Lexa.
1. Default Chapter

A/N: This takes place a few days after "Brother's Keeper". It works with the "Brother's Keeper" chapter of my story "A Chance to Talk" for anyone reading that story. But you don't' need to read that for this to make sense. It really is a stand alone. I don't know If I'll continue this or not. I actually managed to write a Mutant X fic without using B/S! But if I do continue this they WILL show up. LOL  
  
Three of the Mutant X team were hit with heart wrenching deja vu as the entered the cemetery. It was the same cemetery where they'd buried Emma months before. Leo's grave was now next to hers. Jesse had bought 6 red roses and given Shalimar and Brennan two roses each. One for Emma and one for Leo.  
  
Lexa carried a dozen yellow roses. When she'd gone to choose flowers she remembered something Leo had told her long ago. He'd told her that the colors of roses had symbolism. Red was for love. Pink was for friendship. White was for purity. Yellow was for good bye.She'd never thought she'd have to tell her twin good bye.  
  
When they got to Emma's grave the three stopped to put the roses for Emma and let Lexa have a moment alone. No preacher or other mourners waited beside Leo's open grave. The men who would close the grave waited silently off to the side. Lexa knelt down by the simple tombstone and set the flowers near it. The stone read only "Leo Pierce Brother and Twin" A carving of the medallion she wore was carved into the stone as well.  
  
"I'm sorry, Leo. Sorry for everything," she whispered.  
  
As she stood up again the others walked over and took their places near her. Jesse stood beside her. Shalimar stood next to him and Brennan was on her other side. He'd purposely chosen that place. Mostly out of respect for Lexa's earlier comment that she didn't want to be near him at the moment and also to be near Shalimar.  
  
They each threw a rose into the grave. When Shalimar lowered her hand Brennan took it in his. Tears began to run down Lexa's face and Jesse wrapped an arm around her. As the workers began shoveling in the dirt Jesse led Lexa away with Brennan and Shalimar, their hands still linked, following behind.  
  
By the time they'd gotten back to Sanctuary Lexa had gotten the tears under control. Jesse did not mistake that as meaning she was fine. After returning form the fight that had ended with Leo's death Jesse had wanted to be there for her and help her, but she'd said she needed some time alone. He'd respected that and let her have some time. As he walked her to her room he decided that she'd had enough of being on her own.  
  
As they entered her room she turned to look at him. "I don't guess you'd go away if I told you to?"  
  
"No."  
  
Lexa sank down onto the edge of her bed. "Thank you for making the arrangements and getting the tombstone. It's . . . right for him."  
  
Jesse took a seat facing her. "I made the other arrangements, but the tombstone was Brennan's work. He's the one who choose it and told them what it should say. The medallion picture on it was also his idea."  
  
Lexa nodded but remained silent.  
  
"Have you slept n the last few days?" asked Jesse.  
  
"A little, but not much," Lexa answered. She was to drained, physically, mentally and emotionally to be anything but honest.  
  
"I know you haven't been eating much either. I'll go get you some food."  
  
Not having the energy, or will, to argue Lexa managed a slight nod.  
  
When Jesse returned with trey carrying a bowl of soup and milk he found Lexa still sitting on her bed. He was pleased to note that at least she had changed from the clothes she'd worn to the funeral into a pair of baggy jeans and light weight sweater.  
  
After setting the trey on her desk he turned to face her. "I'll leave you to eat. Please try and get some rest afterwards."  
  
Before he'd even fully turned around Lexa's voice stopped him.  
  
"Would you stay for a while?"  
  
Jesse turned back and looked in her eyes. They showed him the truth. She didn't want to be alone, but she was scared to admit that she needed someone else. "Sure. I'll stay." The relief n her eyes was all the thanks he needed.  
  
Once she'd finished most of the soup Lexa stood up and walked back to her bed. A few tears began rolling down her face. Jesse quickly moved to her side and held her in his arms. Feeling sheltered and cared for Lexa buried her face in his chest and allowed the tears to flow . Lifting her into his lap he moved to lean against the headboard. He hated that she was hurting, but knew the crying was a healthy reaction and part of the grieving process. He was careful not to tell her to hush, or quit crying. Eventually the tears stopped and Jesse could feel her exhaustion.  
  
Still holding her he moved them so that they were lying on the bed. He didn't want to leave, but didn't want to take advantage of her while she was in such pain. He began to relax his secure, but gentle, hold on her so he could leave.  
  
Lexa placed her hands on his arms in a silent request for him to stay. Killing her brother had torn her apart and she felt almost as if his arms were now the only thing holding her together. Jesse's solid warmth seemed to offer the support she desperately needed.  
  
Understanding her request for him to stay Jesse remained where he was and held her close. Lexa soon fell asleep and for the first time since it had happened she didn't dream about her brothers death. Jesse stayed awake for a very long time thinking about the woman in his arms. The things they'd learned explained a lot about her. He'd always wondered why she'd worked for Eckart GenomEx. His theory had been that Adam, or the Dominion, had sent her in as an undercover assignment. He was glad to finally know the truth.  
  
Early the next morning Lexa woke up to the unfamiliar feeling of being wrapped in Jesse's arms. Her first thought was what had she gotten herself into with Jesse? And more importantly. . . why didn't she want to get herself out?  
  
Jesse opened his eyes and moved so that he could look at her. "Are you feeling any better?" He knew better than to ask if she was alright. It would be a long time before she was alright. He'd known a few sets of twins and seen how close twins were, how strong their bond was.  
  
"A little. Thank you."  
  
"You don't need to thank me," he told her. "Are you up for some breakfast?"  
  
"Coffee sounds good."  
  
Jesse wasn't satisfied with that. "You need more than coffee, Lexa."  
  
"I'll see when I get down there," she told him.  
  
Knowing that was the best he could expect Jesse didn't push the issue, but he was determined to make sure she started taking care of herself again. 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Since so many of you asked so nicely here's more. This takes place shortly after Art of Attraction. Sorry about the false posting yesterday. I accidentally uploaded the wrong version of the story. Oops.  
  
Lexa winced in pain as she sat down on her bed. 'I should have known better than to spar with Shalimar,' she thought. She decided that she had known better, but had agreed because on a subconscious level she had known what would happen and known she deserved it. What had happened was Shalimar beating her badly. Lexa's whole body hurt.  
  
But the beating she'd gotten from Shalimar didn't hurt as much as what had happened just before their sparring session. She'd seen Jesse and reminded him that he'd asked her out for a drink. "Some other time," he'd told her. She knew he meant 'Some other life.' The betrayal she'd seen in his eyes had hurt her deeply.  
  
Part of her protested that he had no right to feel betrayed. That she'd never made him any promises. But that part was currently being drowned out by guilt. Before her brothers death she had not felt guilt for a long time, but now she did. He'd helped her begin to heal after her Leo's death and she'd returned the favor by hurting him. She wondered if there was any way she could make it up to him. 'Only if he gives me a chance,' she thought. 'But I wouldn't blame him if he doesn't.'  
  
She remembered how not long before he'd worked to convince her to stay in Sanctuary. 'Now I bet he wishes he let me leave. I wish I had. Then I could never have hurt him like this,' she thought with genuine regret.  
  
A few days the bruises were beginning to heal. The pain she saw in Jesse's eyes wasn't. He was polite to her. To polite. The kind of polite she'd been to Eckart.  
  
Knowing Shalimar and Brennan were out she approached him. "I'm sorry. I know that doesn't even start to make it right, but I am sorry."  
  
Jesse's body had tensed when he heard her approach. "Then why?" he asked. Still looking at the computer screen and not her.  
  
She knew he was asking why she'd done it. "Because I was stupid, and scared."  
  
"Scared of what?" he asked, genuinely curious.  
  
Lexa took a deep breath and told him the truth. "Of the fact that I'm changing. That I'm starting to care. I wanted to prove to myself that I was still who I have been for years. The Ice Queen. That's what the people at GenomeX called me. I didn't care about anyone except my brother. It made life easy. Simple. And now things are very complicated."  
  
"Yeah well, life is complicated. Welcome to the real world."  
  
"I know. And I know I have no right to ask this, but will you give me a second chance?"  
  
"You're right. You don't have the right to ask me that, but it took a lot of courage to ask anyway. Does that mean you aren't scared anymore?"  
  
"No. It . . . it means I'm more scared of you hating me than I am of anything else."  
  
Finally he turned and faced her. "I don't hate you. But I need to think about what you've said. About giving you another chance. Let's go for that drink tomorrow and I'll let you know," he suggested.  
  
It was more than she had hoped for, and she smiled. "Thank you."  
  
That night Jesse sat in his room thinking. He realized that for the sake of the team he needed to give Lexa another chance, at least for friendship. Jesse knew that Shalimar and Brennan would not forgive Lexa before he did. He'd seen what Shalimar had done to Lexa during their sparring session. It had been brutal. He'd never seen her fight like that against another member of Mutant X. She fought to win, but not to hurt. Sparring with Lexa her whole purpose had been to inflict pain. He was glad she maintained control and stopped at pain, not serious injury.  
  
The next night Lexa dressed carefully. Elegant, but not seductive. They'd decided to go back to the bar where they had talked after he and Alicia had ended things.  
  
Neither spoke on the way there.  
  
After the waiter brought their drinks Jesse began. "I'll give you another chance at friendship. Anything else, anything more . . . we'll see." It was the best he could give her at the moment, and he hoped she would accept it.  
  
She smiled at him, a rare heartfelt smile. "Thank you."  
  
They talked about their pasts and time went by quickly. Eventually they returned to Sanctuary.  
  
A/N: WOW! I'm amazed at all the reviews. THANK YOU! I know it's been awhile but I finally got the idea for a second chapter.  
  
Canadian chic: Thanks. Hope you like this chapter also.  
  
Koalared: Thanks. Glad you like the pairing.  
  
Riley: Thank you! It's nice to hear I got the characters right. I'm also starting to like the J/L pairing.  
  
Fiery Feral: THANKS!  
  
Donna Lyn: Thank you. Glad you liked it.  
  
Loveconquers: You're welcome, and thank you.  
  
Casper: I'll have to check my source on the meanings of the color. Thanks for the info.  
  
Laheara: Thank you. Glad you like this story, and A Chance to Talk. Don't worry this is going to be mostly a J/L story.  
  
AquariusF5: Thanks.  
  
Knightsgirl: I have to agree on Jesse making any girl feel batter. Thank you!  
  
Jessesgirl: Glad you like it. Thanks for the feedback. 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This takes place after the episode "Age of Innocence. Sorry it's been so long without an update.  
  
After ending the connection with her dominion contact Lexa allowed herself to smile. Just as she'd told the others she would, she'd given the Dominion a short and pithy answer. Now she just had to wait until Jesse got back from visiting his grandparents.  
  
While she hated that he was hurting and upset, she was glad she'd have a chance to begin repaying Jesse for helping her after Leo died. Now she could be there for him and help him. She knew he'd say she didn't owe him anything for helping her. And in her heart she knew she wasn't going to help him because she owed it to him. She would help him because she wanted to. Because she hated to see him hurting. Because seeing him hurting hurt her.  
  
Somehow Jesse wasn't surprised to find Lexa waiting for him.  
  
"Hi," she greeted.  
  
"Hey, Lexa."  
  
"I've taken care of the Dominion. They have no idea about your grandfather's involvement. You don't have to worry about them going looking for him," she reassured him.  
  
He managed a smile. "Thanks." Again he was not surprised that she had done that for him. Over the last weeks she'd worked to regain his trust, and he was beginning to trust her again. He also knew that she hated being lied to. When the Dominion had lied to her they lost her loyalty, at least on this mission.  
  
"Want to talk?" she offered.  
  
"Maybe sometime, but to be honest right now I'd rather not even think about it. Want to go out and do something?" he asked.  
  
Lexa smiled. If Jesse needed distraction, she could do that. "Sure. How about a club," she suggested, figuring it would be better for Jesse to go dancing at a club than drinking at a bar.  
  
"Meet in the garage in half an hour?"  
  
"Sounds good," she said, before giving him a smile and heading to her room to get ready.  
  
Lexa couldn't resist the pleased smile that played on her lips half an hour later as she walked into the garage and saw Jesse's reaction to her outfit. Her idea of distraction had worked. From the look on Jesse's face the issues that had come up on the last mission were the farthest thing from his mind.  
  
Jesse barely kept his jaw from dropping as he saw Lexa. Instead of her usual all black she had on a tight red tank top and black mini skirt. Tall black boots finished the outfit. Half an hour later they walked into the club. Lexa saw the other men checking her out, but ignored them and kept her attention on Jesse. Jesse also saw the men checking her out and she gained back a bit more if his trust when she ignored them.  
  
A few hours, and a lot of dances, later the couple left the club. The drive home was mostly silent. Finally they were standing outside Jesse's room. "Thank you, Lexa. I really enjoyed dancing with you tonight."  
  
"You're welcome. Night," she said and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. She wished that she dared kiss him the way she wanted to, but didn't think it would be wise to push things when Jesse was finally trusting her again.  
  
He surprised her by leaning forward and kissing her full on the lips. Before she could even respond he pulled back. "I've been wanting to do that for a very long time," he admitted.  
  
The thought 'In Vino Veritas' crossed Lexa's mind. In wine there is truth. 'At least it's a truth I'm happy to hear,' she thought. "I've been wanting you to do that for a long time," she admitted.  
  
Jesse reached up and moved a piece of hair that had fallen forward back into place. "See you tomorrow, Lexa."  
  
"See you in the morning, Jess," she said, then smiled and walked to her room. She was glad that at least for the evening she'd been able to keep Jesse from worrying about his grandfather and whatever else about the mission had been troubling him. And she knew there was something else, or more likely someone else, involved. She figured that Jesse would tell her who when he was ready to.  
  
As he watched her walk away part of Jesse wanted to tell her about Adam being alive and contacting him , but another part wondered if she didn't already know he was still alive. Jesse also wasn't sure if the Dominion might not be the people Adam was hiding from. Deciding he wouldn't get any more answers that night Jesse went into his room.  
  
A/N: From the previews of this weekends ep it looks like there will be another chapter of this story next week. . .  
  
Fiery Feral: Thank you. As you can see there is more. I think I'm just going to write this story as the episodes inspire me . . .  
  
Koalared: Yeah, I was kind of mad too that they just let the whole thing drop. Glad you liked how I handled it. THANKS!  
  
Loveconquers: Glad you like my explanation for her actions. Thank you!  
  
Impulse5: Thank you!!! I kind of agree she isn't one to apologize, but like they say, there's an exception to every rule. 


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Takes place later in the evening after "She's Come Undone" ends./  
  
It was still early evening but Lexa had fallen asleep on one of the couches in the living area. A soft smile formed on Jesse's lips as he looked down at the sleeping woman. He wasn't surprised that she was exhausted and that once the adrenaline had worn off her body demanded sleep.  
  
Knwing from experience that that couch was not a comfortable place to sleep all noght he carefully lifted her into his arms.  
  
The movement woke Lexa. "Jess?"  
  
"Yeah, it's me. Shhh. Relax. I'm just going to take you to your room."  
  
"Thanks," she murmured, wrapping her ams loosely around his neck as he began to carry her.  
  
He lay her on her bad and expected her to release her hold on him. Instead she tightened it. She blinked her eyes open and looked into his. She wanted to ask him to stay, but couldn't seem to make herself ask for help.  
  
Looking in her eyes Jesse saw the feelings warring within her. "Would you like me to stay?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"Alright. Just let me get both our shoes off first."  
  
She let reluctantly released her grip and let her eyes drift shut again. Jesse quickly took her shoes off her then kicked off his own. That completed he lay down on the bed and gently pulled Lexa into his arms. She instinctively snuggled closer to the comforting warmth.  
  
The next morning Lexa woke to the feel of being alone. She tried not to identify the emotions going through her at the thought that Jesse had left her after saying he would stay with her. She looked up as she heard foot steps approaching her door.  
  
Jesse walked in with a coffee cup in each hand. "Thought you might like some coffee," he said, offing her one of the cups. She managed a smile as she sat up and took it. She used the motion of taking a drink of coffee to hide the relief in her eyes.  
  
Jesse hadn't left her, not really. He'd just been doing something thoughtful, as usual. She felt a bit guilty for misjudging him. 'I should have known he wouldn't really leave me,' she thought.  
  
She looked up again to meet his eyes. "Thanks for the coffee, and for. . . last night."  
  
"No nightmares?"  
  
"No nightmares," she confirmed.  
  
After finishing her coffee Lexa moved to stand in front of the mirror. She pushed her hair aside so that she could see the small scar where the implant had been. Jesse walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. Once she relaxed back against him he leaned to the side and kissed the scar.  
  
"You know, I should probably be angry with you," Jesse noted, but there was no real anger in his voice so Lexa stayed relaxed against him.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Let's see. . . you kissed then hit me then left me trapped so that I couldn't help you."  
  
"Oh, that. I'm sorry for hitting you."  
  
"How about for kissing me?" he teased.  
  
"No. I'm not sorry for that."  
  
"Good. Now why don't we go see if the others are up?"  
  
Together they walked down to the kitchen.  
  
That night Jesse woke up and after a few minutes went to check on Lexa. He found her tossing slightly as she dreamed. 'No, not a dream, a nightmare,' the molecular realized.  
  
He sat down on the edge of her bed and called to her.  
  
In her nightmare Lexa saw herself killing people. She tried to stop herself, but couldn't. She registered a familiar voice and tried to turn towards it. 'Jesse. Jess will help me,' she thought.  
  
When she still didn't wake up, Jesse put his hand on her shoulder. He used his other hand to grab her arm as it came flying at him. "Lexa," he called again.  
  
Lexa woke up to realize that Jesse had one hand on her shoulder and that he was holding her other wrist. "Jesse?"  
  
"He released his grip on her. "Yeah, it's me. You were having a nightmare."  
  
Without thinking about it she sat up and wrapped her arms around Jesse, resting her cheek on his shoulder. "I . . . remembered what I did. . . before, while was controlling me. I saw the people I killed."  
  
Jesse held her close and tried to reassure her. "It's okay. You're safe now. He'll never be able to do that to you again. *He* killed those people, not you. You were the weapon he used, but he's the killer, *not* you."  
  
Lexa didn't respond, just let herself enjoy the feeling of knowing someone cared about her. That someone would be there for her when she needed them, but couldn't ask for them. She loved that Jesse didn't make her ask. That he seemed to understand that she couldn't ask, so he offered. She wondered if one day she might once again be able to ask for help. She decided it was time to at least try.  
  
"Last night, when you were holding me I didn't have any nightmares. Would you mind holding me again tonight?"  
  
"Silly question, Lexa. Since when did any man mind holding a beautiful woman?" he teased. When he felt her tense up he realized his mistake. "I'm sorry, Lex. I was just trying to get you to smile. I don't mind stay with you. I'll keep the nightmares away," he promised.  
  
She relaxed against him again. She soon feel asleep, but Jesse stayed awake for awhile, making sure that she didn't show signs of having another nightmare.  
  
A/N:  
  
Mfkngst: THANK YOU!!!! The three reviews really made my day! I'm glad you're liking the story.  
  
Loveconquers: Thanks! Hope you like this chapter. 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Sorry this took so long. I have Finals at college next week so I've been busy studying this week and didn't have much time to write. This begins right as the episode "In Between" ends, when everyone leaves the room except Jesse.  
  
Once Brennan and Shalimar left the room Lexa went back to Jesse. She found him sting in the chair with a thoughtful expression on his face. "Penny for your thoughts."  
  
Jesse looked over and smiled at her. "Just glad to be alive, and back with my family."  
  
She sat back in the chair facing him. "When you said 'You gave me a reason to live' were you talking about the team or. . . "  
  
"You. I mean, of course Brennan is a big part of why I'm alive, but so are you. I love you, Lexa. I understand if you don't love me, but I couldn't die without telling you that I love you."  
  
"I told Harrison that love hurts. And I believe that Jesse. Every time I've loved someone I've been hurt. Or I've hurt them. They've either betrayed me or died and left me, or I ended up betraying them. I've already hurt you. And . . . you almost died. I almost lost you as well."  
  
"But you didn't. I'm here, and I'm not leaving. I won't leave you. I promise. And knowing that you love me would just give me another, very important, reason to live. But I understand why you're scared. I'll wait. You're worth it."  
  
"I think that may be the nicest thing a man has ever said to me," Lexa admitted. "But you can't promise not to die."  
  
Jesse grimaced as a wave of pain from his injury hit him. Lexa was instantly at his side. "Jess?" she asked in a worried voice.  
  
Several seconds later he was able to answer. "I'm better now. The pain just gets me sometimes."  
  
"I'll get you some pain killer," Lexa said, standing up.  
  
He took her hand in his to stop her. "No. I'm okay now. I don't want anymore pain killer."  
  
Lexa looked at him with worried eyes. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm sure. But I think I'm going to do what the doctor said and get some rest."  
  
"With your muscles massing like that I'm guessing you're pretty sore, right?"  
  
"Yea, I am," he admitted.  
  
"How about I give you a back rub?" she offered, wanting to so something to help him.  
  
"I'm not gonna turn that offer down," he told her, with a small smirk.  
  
"Didn't think so," she said with a smirk of her own.  
  
10 minutes later Jesse was laying on his stomach in his bed, with his head turned to the side. Lexa knelt with one bent leg on each side of his waist as she began to rub the massage oil into his shoulders. She was enjoying the chance to see and feel the toned muscles of his arms and back. It didn't take long for Jesse to begin to relax as she worked the tension from his muscles. By the time she finished he was barely still awake.  
  
Lexa thought he was asleep and before she left placed a kiss on his cheek.  
  
5 DAYS LATER  
  
Lexa frowned as she looked into the dojo and saw Jesse pummeling the punching bag.  
  
"Jesse, what the hell do you think you are doing?" she demanded, loud enough to ensure that the molecular would hear her. Jesse stopped his workout and turned to face her. "It's called a workout, Lexa."  
  
Her frowned deepened. "Less than a week ago you were shot. You need to take care of yourself. Your body needs time to heal."  
  
"Lexa, I've been going crazy not being able to do anything. I fell fine."  
  
Lexa still wasn't convinced. "Is that 'cause you're on painkillers?"  
  
"No. I haven't taken any today. I'm fine. Really."  
  
"What you are is stubborn."  
  
"It took you this long to notice that?"  
  
Lexa walked over to him. "Shut up," she whispered, then kissed him deeply, moving her hands to his cheeks. Jesse enjoyed the feel of her soft lips against his and the warmth of her hands on his face. He allowed her to take the kiss as far as she wanted, matching her, but not pushing her further. He did nothing to hide the desire he felt, but  
  
instead let it come though in the kiss. In return Lexa parted her lips for him, inviting him to deepen the kiss. Jesse used all his self control to keep the kiss from becoming even more intense, as he part of him wanted it to. Lexa sensed his control and that he was holding back. Sensed the power and the almost desperate need. Trusting that control she let her awareness of everything but him go. She felt his hands come to rest at her waist and hold her close. Felt all the emotion that flowed through the kiss as he explored her mouth.  
  
Eventually the kiss ended. Still caught up in the sensations kissing Jesse invoked in her Lexa allowed herself the moment of leaning into Jesse and resting her head against his shoulder, letting her hands rest on his shoulders.  
  
A/N:  
  
Mfkngst: Thank you! It's good to hear that you're still liking the story.  
  
Impulse: They never seem to show enough on the show, but like you say, that's why we have fanfics. Glad you like this story.  
  
Jessesgirl: Yeah, I think Jess and Lex are meant to be together, and She's Come Undone was a great ep to show that fact. I'll try to have another chapter next week.  
  
Prin69: THANKS! Glad you like what I use from the show.  
  
Loveconquers: What can I say but, thank you! 


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